does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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