He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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