My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize