Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
