oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize