Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
