You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
