i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
