Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
did you just send me my own nude
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
