and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
