remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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