Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
