shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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