my phone needs a breathalizer
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
