So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
