normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
