I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
