She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize