Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
