Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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