why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
