Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
