Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
