Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
