i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
