Dude my mom stole all your condoms
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
