I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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