I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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