it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
