Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
