Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
