oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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