You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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