He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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