yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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