k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
