Apparently you make a good broom.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
