he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
