When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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