I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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