I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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