You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need to calm my uterus...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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