So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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