I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize