I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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