It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
