i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she pinky promised me she was 18
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
