I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
