The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
