Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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