I just saw a hot homeless man
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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