I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
