at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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