WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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