Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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