Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
