home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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