You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
please don't ironically join a cult
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