oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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