I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
