do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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