I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
