A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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