Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
