please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
