ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
