My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
