Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
