Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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