Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize