every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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