I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
