Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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